Monthly Archive November 2018

The day a cow did my maths

So it was a bright sunny day… oh wait, it was a gloomy and dark evening. Frankly, I am sure you are not interested in the weather at all. So you must be sensing the saffron tinge with ‘cow’ in the title but sorry, my story is more interesting than politics.

As with my straight line life, my maths has been ordinary and as you know being ordinary at maths is the worst crime for a teenager because if you are bad that means you must be good at something cool and if you are good then you are small town Tony Stark, either way, your life is good but not for the folks who come under category ordinary because let me tell you one thing, the normal curve is not so friendly to normal people. Okay I painted the picture, my life was not so good back then and then cow came.

Okay let’s rewind a bit, so my maths teacher asked me to come for extra class after school hours, for a few minutes I got the ‘Good Will Hunting’ kind of feeling but now when I think about, maybe he did it angrily. So long story short, the genius in me went unrecognized and I started solving quadratic equations. Just a disclaimer for future generations, if someone is bad at maths, teach him to hunt or something so that he would do something productive in life, now don’t get me started on what I do for a living.

So one fine evening, yeah it was the fine one and we are settling on this, I was coming back on my Bullet 350, you guys on the internet are so gullible. It was just my Hero Buzz bicycle and it was cool in 7th standard. Now you will have to understand the schematics of newer and cool versions of Hero bicycles, their back carrier sucked. I was probably dreaming of somehow getting the letter from Hogwarts or somehow an expression of my dominant X-gene but while none of that had happened so far, my RD Sharma slipped from the carrier and was thrown on the dusty side of the road.

Now I realized quickly, not that quickly though, and applied the power brakes, yeah it had those. I quickly rushed to pick up that ill-fated book but there was the cow. It was staring at that with its manically hunger filled eyes.

Something then happened, the cow picked up my book with its mouth and at the same moment, I reached.

Now I don’t call myself a hero but animals don’t frighten me so I was not ready to let it go. Now you remember the battle between Avengers and Thanos for the infinity gauntlet, it was kind of the same thing, a little low budget and I was alone.

I started snatching my book from the hungry grasp of that cow or that was bull, let’s stick to the cow for now. I started fighting for my battle against the holy cow and I lost. I got only half of the book and then not even the better half, I got Geometry.

On reaching home battle worn and disappointed, with huge despair, I told my story. Contrary to the constitutional provision of the presumption of innocence, what I got was the conviction. Now if Salman can have the driverless car, why can’t a cow eat my maths book? But as always happens, truth can’t remain unencumbered for a long time so here it comes now on the public platform. Hope you guys will believe it and will not categorize it as a publicity stunt, by the way, on a completely separate topic, you can check my novel ‘The Universal Link’ on Amazon.